I AM PREGNANT!!

I am pregnant!! Well…at least in my dream last night.

It was the perfect dream. I entered the hospital with my rounded belly and a blue gown. Nurses fed me ice chips and asked me how I was feeling. Nothing was overly dramatic. My face seemed a little sweaty, and I don’t remember much pain. But I do remember the beautiful dimpled baby in my arms. More so, I remember an attractive boy holding my hand. He was charming.

Then I woke up. I ached for that baby, and I prayed terribly long that somehow I could remember that attractive boys face. Alas…neither exist…no boy and no baby.

I blame the sad dream on my cousin Katie. I spent last night in her magnificent home. Honestly, her home is absolutely fabulous! She and her husband just bought a large home that sits on a hill and overlooks a lake. She also has a six-month-old bundle of joy. He is a doll and I could tickle his tummy for hours because those precious blue eyes and dimples are adorable! Curse Katie and her wonderful little family ha! ;) Katie is my age too. Sometimes I wonder how it would be – my life has been so different from hers. I wouldn’t take back a moment of what I have, especially my mission. But in that dream I longed for that little piece of heaven. That little piece of heaven I yearn for so deeply now that it may eat a hole into my chest. Katie’s little man had me smiling all night. Her house had me in awe. I loved watching her make dinner, and her husband walk through the door. I am content in my life. But I want joy. My life is not unhappy by any means. I find myself reading and writing like crazy. I plan on learning Hebrew in the spring. My days are filled with happy moments. I love my job and my independence is absolutely gratifying. If someone asked me in this very moment how I feel, I would reply confidently, “I feel wonderful!” And it’s true. Yet, there is that maternal instinct in my soul that is screaming for release. The inner me seems to be begging for something more. I want babies! And I can’t deny or argue that I would push aside my books, my painting, my writing, my Hebrew, and even my sleep to have a dimpled, giggling, curly-haired miniature me in my arms.

I have two dates this weekend. Maybe one of those will lead to two more. And maybe someday I will get married. As far as I understand it takes a boy to give me a baby. ;)

Bring me a boy! I need a baby!